I sometimes am still able to feel alright.

In what little time I've been socially active, I've managed to transition from happy-go-lucky to sociopathic. Way to go, girl!

What a trigger-happy, self-loathing soul I've become, at once wallowing in self-deprecation and tiring of the grim contemplations about my dismal existence that monopolize my mind.
It was a lapse of judgment, to step out into the world where other human beings are interactive, and not merely zoo exhibitions existing for my whimsy and observation, as I used to understand it: one fateful lapse of judgment that resulted in a million more; it was the fatal error in judgment, the ultimate error in judgment, the warning and preview of things to come that I didn't know to heed back then. oh, look what you have done, bitch.

Following my long overdue reconnection with 3-D world (an absolute adversity, I assure you) while I was involuntarily undergoing psychological realignment, I've emerged a considerably broodier being than before, than I ever remember being before. I'm a little more disenchanted (I've got a little more reason to be), a little bit of a wreckage. Wandering unsuspectingly into lives and places I don't quite belong, into realms where I perhaps may not be wanted. Falling into the abyss of drug and liquor-induced oblivions (without having to personally dabble in drug or alcohol abuse), I've become an enthusiastic advocator of the night-life lifestyle of the mildly blasphemous variety. The adaptive, easy-going creature I am, I let life take me where it may at no sacrifice of my core principles. But deeper and deeper still do I delve into a world of hedonism and slight depravity, wherein even I am engaging in acts of moderate debauchery here and there, and suddenly, without any concept or awareness of how it came to be, surrendering so much of my carefully preserved integrity (and by integrity I do mean integrity; take it at face value and don't misinterpret it as any sort of euphemism or look for any implications that aren't there) and playing the part of a bona fide sinner. Not a grade A debauchee, mind you, only a sinner. How far I managed to have strayed from myself in such a short time and how far my self-opinion has fallen. I should never have stepped out of the safe shade of reclusion.

now where's that reconnection with my inner self, eh?