buy our uncomfortable footwear and you will be endowed with the ability to toss tennis rackets into the air with the same defiant barbarity as we.

So it appears that converse, long recognized a sacred anti-core institution, has been airing a new tv commercial featuring a bunch of dissidents playing tennis poorly and defiantly throwing their rackets all over the court. Why? Well nobody is sure of the provocation of this peculiar behavior, but by way of inference and extensive speculation, I have theorized that it is perhaps a display of frustration toward their fundamental ineptitude to play tennis properly because they are coordinationally challenged. "coordinationally challenged"...... well, if there is such a condition, they have it. Or, maybe those silly flat-soled canvas shoes of theirs (the cursed product being advertised) produce excruciating foot pain, and in turn induce general irritability. Or, perhaps it's a bizarre unlisted side effect of their prozac, or zoloft or what have you.

A word of advice to converse: fire your fucking marketing strategist.