my one ray of sunlight.

---

This is long over-due, I meant to post it days ago, I believe on.. Monday or Tuesday:

Last thursday, I was wandering in the Gramercy area when asked for my e-mail address by someone seeking subjects for his photographs. I gather he was a fashion photographer, or something of the sort. I warned him I was horribly unphotogenic, but persuaded myself, hesitantly, to entertain the idea of discussing matters of my unphotogenicness over coffee some afternoon. Another person to evade, another situation to be dealt with, what a downer.... Funny how getting yourself into these entanglements takes mere seconds and no effort, (I got caught in this particular entanglement by walking down the fucking street) but getting yourself out of them requires engagement in much more time-consuming (and possibly bothersome) activities, like having coffee with someone on their insistence, as an offer of appeasement. at least I averted confrontation though, huh?

So, my life has been in the doldrums for weeks now, I've been complaining that I never have anything to do anymore (all bands seem to have stopped touring in October and I seem to have temporarily lost interest in the local scene), nor anyone to do them with. I have just about retreated back into figurative social reclusion, and it's draining me of what little zeal for life was even mine to begin with. All reasons for living escape me at the present time. I have become delirious with boredom. Isolation was perfectly fine until I discovered good company. Oh, don't get me wrong -- I'm still considerably withdrawn unless sought out, and still carry the curse that is the ability to be among multitudes while, no less, being completely alone. Your solitary nature (assuming it is in your nature to be solitary) is something no amount of social interaction and gratification will ever strip you of, the only thing it will really be successful in eroding away is your numb, complacent attitude toward isolation. As it has done mine.

I ambled on to Soft's website at the beginning of the week, though, and was pleasantly surprised to find that they had a show scheduled at Sin-é. I swear, upon receiving notification, I'd squealed gleefully. I hadn't woohoo'ed like I would have done ordinarily -- no. I squealed. I squealed. Let it be a testament to the degree of elation I was feeling. It was one of those "Look! Life has beamed me a ray of sunlight through the abyss of bleakness and void that is the psychological bottomless pit I appear to have fallen into!" -- moments. Their second public show in New York, and they've made it to Sin-é. Niiiiice. Sin-é is one of those clubs bands have to work their way up to, and it's always a prestigious thing to play there, a bench mark in a fledgling band's career if you will.. and they've already gotten there. That's amazing. I love them to pieces. -enthuse-

I have two shows to go to on the 26th, consecutively (but two hours apart). Inevitably, there will be a gap in the middle, time I will utilise productively. That is to say, time I will put to good use wandering around feeling (appropriately) displaced. I don't care. I'm going to both shows, it's gonna be great, and I am stoked!

By the way, that little graphic I drew.. I'm not sure what I intended it to be. A bottle of vitamins? I think my initial objective was to end up with something like a soda can, but I failed miserably at crafting anything remotely resembling the pop-top soda can opening. So I drew a lid on instead. So let's just say it's (figurative isolation in the form of) an inexplicable little jar containing some substance hazardous enough to your health in large doses to necessitate a fine-print label warning you against excessive consumption. Okay? Yeah..